Front Porch

In part 1 I referred to a continuing education invitation my wife got with the following goals:

"Positive states help optimize health and wellbeing. Learn how Hope, joy, calm, and laughter reduce the adrenal response to stress, reduce apprehension and generalized anxiety, improve mood, reduce pain, and promote restorative sleep.

Participants completing this new six-hour program should be able to: 
1. Describe how Hope can reduce stress, pain, anxiety, and sadness by normalizing cortisol, the adrenal hormone associated with stress.
2. Explain how joy can be enhanced by practicing what happy people do differently.
3. Identify how to attain calming states through mental habits and mindfulness.
4. Demonstrate how humor and laughter can improve health and enhance Hope."

In part 1, I looked at Hope, although I skimmed over cortisol or adrenal hormones since they sound more like symptoms than cures. 

Now, I want to turn to number 2 - how joy can be enhanced by practicing what happy people do differently. If you are unhappy, I suggest that you find a happy person and follow them around all day, at least until the police or people in white coats come to take you away. It might be easier to find an unhappy person, follow them around, and NOT do what they do. Since they are already down, they will probably just think you are the Grim Reaper.

I believe the key to joy and Hope lies in a feeling of control of your life. But how does a person get more control of their life? The first step in almost every life-changing event is to recognize that you are not where you want to be and you WANT to be some other place, and you will do whatever it takes to get there. Unfortunately, just like an alcoholic, sometimes you have to be at the very bottom before you seriously are ready to change. Some people may never come to that realization.  

I am not a professional with a degree in psychology. I like to think of myself as an observer of people. I have had hearing difficulties most of my life, which have forced me to (1) learn to lip-read and (2) pay attention to people instead of conversations. I have found that happier people tend to be internally motivated. Unhappy people tend to be influenced by external events.

So, what do happy people do differently? Maybe the key is "know thyself". Where are you in your life, how did they get there, and where do they want to go. Easy, huh? No, not really. Sometimes, we spend so much time "living" that we forget about "life."

If you want to improve your life, my first suggestion is to find a time and place where you can be quiet and just think. You may have to hide under the bed to keep your kids from finding you. Sometimes, you need to tell the people around you that you need a few minutes to yourself; "Ok, daddy needs about 15 minutes to himself. I will be in the closet drinking, so please - do NOT burn the house down."  If you are alone, change your surroundings. I find the best time to think is to go for a walk. Just alter your routine and find the time. After all, it is for you, and you deserve it. Your mind will tend to wander over mundane worries at first. Take a deep breath and clear your thoughts.  

Remember, your family and others will generally like you better if you have more joy. During this quiet time, think about your life. Every life has a trajectory. It is like firing a rocket. At any point, you can look at the course, and from the past, you can predict which direction the rocket will go and even where it will land. Unless something changes, you can predict where your life is headed. Rockets do not suddenly stop halfway through the flight for no reason and fall out of the sky. If they did, there would be a lot of surprised soldiers.  

So, looking at your past will tell you much about what will happen in the future. If you want things to be different, you must change something that will change that trajectory. And (this is really important) YOU are the only one that can change that trajectory. You can get help from others, but ultimately, you must make the changes. What do happy people do differently? I believe they (1) take time for introspection, (2) realize they are in control of the trajectory of their life, and (3) use that knowledge to find more joy by altering the trajectory to one that they have chosen.